Life's Twilight...

Pune weather is unpredictability personified. It can be humid in the morning, raining by mid morning, blazing hot in the afternoon, balmy in the evening and teeth-chattering cold by night. Yes, variety is the spice of life, so the weather Gods can be said to be biased in giving Pune-ites some extra spice to their everyday life. But the only problem is the choice of clothing. Oh no don’t worry, this is not about weather conditions or dressing tips, my blog won’t end up being THAT lame! Anyway, on the day I am writing about, I decided to wear a very smart synthetic kurti judging by the cloudy morning… But as the weather Gods would have it, the Sun came out in all its might by afternoon. So standing in the auto stand and cursing everything around me, especially the non-availability of AC cars when you live in hostels, I was pretty much oblivious to everything around me. Suddenly this short, stooped and aged lady in a navari saree murmered something to me. I couldn’t catch what she said in my first go so I bent down to her level and extended my ear. This time I heard her words. “Majha konich nahi aahe…” (I have no one). And I, the proud student of ILS, the person with the mindset that lawyers have smart replies for every statement, stood there, motionless, dumbfounded…
Oxford Dictionary cannot probably come up with a word for describing how exactly I felt that moment. What do you say at such a statement? Do you ask her where she lives, what she wants or is there anything you can do for her? Do you assure her that her family or kids or someone will come for her? Do you call up someone and ask for help? Whom do you call? Or do you end up giving fake assurance that you are there for her whereas you know point-blank that you’ll leave as soon as you get an auto? Do you try and talk about what’s wrong with her? Or do you brush her off, thinking of her as yet another case of senility on the loose? Or do you, like me, just act like you don’t really understand the language and wait till she goes away?
What do we all think when we picture our future? I cannot possibly write for the enlightened souls, but I picture myself as a successful lawyer… gifting my Dad his fave MacBook and Mom all those fabulous jewelry she sets her eyes on at Tanishq… marrying a smart, intelligent, sensitive, funny and cute guy… having a beautiful child, my own flesh and blood… growing old, retiring from work and teaching Criminal Law at some big shot University. It is amusing how I never think of how much can go wrong in my plan. I always consider my plan to be flawless… and why not? I’ve carefully calculated the age for everything and figured out how everything is going to turn out. But I never think that I have based every shred of planning on the simple assumption that life is going to be kind to me. Now that I think of it, how can I be so foolish, so juvenile? I so proudly claim that I’m 19 now; coming to an end of my teens and my hostel life has made me all practical and mature. Mature? Hasn’t 19 years of life not taught me anything? Life is never kind… it’s never good… it’s never perfect… and most importantly, it never ever goes according to what you plan! But here I am, happily in my make-believe world, my fool’s paradise, believing that if your plan is perfect, that is how your life will end up as well. It is scary to think about it even now, but I might just end up as that lady on the road. How come this thought never even crossed my mind?
Am I ashamed of what I did that fateful day? Yes, I sure am. But I still can’t fathom what else I could have done. All I feel is that I wish I could do something more substantial, more meaningful. And I also can’t stop wondering what happened to her… how she ended up wherever she is today. I can’t stop thinking where her husband and children are and why they’ve abandoned the lady. I so hope I could have done something… anything for her. You may think that this is India, hundreds of such abandoned ladies are probably hovering aimlessly on the roads. True… very true. But not every one of them come and tell me, “Majha konich nahi aahe”…
I am very sorry I couldn’t do anything for you. I just remember you in my prayer. And I’ve never more strongly hoped that my prayers are heard…

I walk a lonely road...

“Ek masala dosa” shouted the guy at the canteen counter. His harsh voice snapped me out of my reverie. How long had I been oblivious to the world around me? Five minutes. Usually any order placed in the ILS Canteen takes a minimum fifteen minutes ‘preparation time’. And usually I found the wait irritating. But today, the quick delivery irritated me. I had shut myself to the people around me, to the blur of faces swirling around me, to the merry cheer and chatter of the happy souls around me… I had numbed the pain with much difficulty… But it was not meant to be. I had to open my eyes. I had to look around my table. I had to register that for the first time, I was having lunch… alone!!
When it’s not your time, everything goes against you. Who was the smartass who propounded these words of wisdom? I agree with him completely and at the same time hate him for being so right. I didn’t see any friendly faces around with whom I could share a word… I miserably missed the hundred hands that tore the dosa from my plate… I didn’t even have my ear-phones so that I could hear some horribly loud track by “Bullet for my Valentine’ or ‘Infected Mushrooms’ to mute the world around me. Forcibly, I was asked to look at the world around me and be insanely jealous of them- jealous of the first year-ites in huge groups cracking stupid jokes and laughing their heart out; jealous of the gang of giggly girls who were so derilously happy to share a meal at the Canteen as if they were being given a free treat at ‘Soho’; jealous of the group of seniors who had covered the entire table with important looking documents and were sharing comments which can seem funny only to a law student! What had they done right and I had done wrong? Why does everyone have someone by their side and why am I so alone?
But someone intruded on my self pity-party. The intruder came with a loud vibration- It was an SMS which said ‘@kk!’. It said “Hey wassup? Class over? How was your orientation? Had lunch?” Simple, regular text? No way! It brought in a smile… it brought in a ray of hope… it brought the feeling that I was not as big a failure in the ‘friends department’ as I thought myself to be. And then the ILS Canteen, living upto its reputation of playing the exact song for the mood you are in, played the song from ‘Ta ra rum pum’- Raat hai toh savera bhi hoga! And as I imagined Shona from the movie with her bright smile in difficult times, a wave of tremendous hope washed over me. It truly is surprising when hardly realistic Bollywood moments actually inspire you.
But this time, it actually made me feel stronger. It actually brought out the optimist in me. Screw you all, I’ll bounce back, big time and better than before. Yes, if there is darkness there has to be light. Morning has to come, no matter how long the night.
This time again it’s not you… It’s me who has to hold that thought!!!

The Three Worlds...

“Its kinda funny how life can change, Can flip 180 in a matter of days”…..Back in high school when I had first heard this song, it seemed like a meaningless junk with great beats by BLUE. So, no matter, how foot tapping the music was, the lyrics went unnoticed and un-applauded. C’mon, who plays attention to such heavy duty lyrics, anyway, at that age? It was only after these very words became the story of my life that i really appreciated the song.

Hi and welcome to the third semester of ILS. And while the college building shows little change, (unsurprisingly, it must have been looking the same for the past 20 years) the aura has worn off. Its now, just a matter of getting up by 9, reaching college by 10, be the great brand of the clueless Indian student with a diligent expression for an hour, give your attendance(a few proxy too, if you can wiggle it)and then run back to the hostel to your warm awaiting bed. So, when college remains so predictable, what flips your life? Hostel, new hostel, of course.

The pity party has ended for me. I guess everyone I have talked to closely made me realize that most of them have a sob story. A colourful story of first year with someone they considered to be best friend ending up as their worst enemy. This must have made the most of us wary and skeptical of making friends. Yes, Pune can be a deceptive city. But what is life without the search for the right people and bump into with the wrong ones as speed breakers on the way?

Am I hinting that I have found the right ones? Well, I fervently hope so. Gargi and Nikita do seem right. yes, right now, they are my room mates. It is fascinating to live with them. Gargi is calm, quiet; serene…Niki is loud, bubbly, chirpy. Gargi is sweet and simple…Niki is smart and practical. Gargi is a slender lovely creature…Niki is a “floater” wearing ‘walk’aholic. I always thought I epitomized extremism. But, here I am, the intermediate, between two fabulous extremes. And take my word, I am loving it!

But prod beneath their sweet or sturdy surface, they are simple, uncomplicated girls with boundless emotions. Be it a head massage, a word of consolation, a good advice or simply, a glass of lemon Rasana, they have everything I need, on their fingertip, including their abundant affection. The talks flow easy…the laughs come easy. A few days of living together has bought in a closeness that is so not ‘staring-at-your-face’, its subtle but nonetheless ever-present.

And yet, what tops my love for this room, are the laughs. Whether it is me removing my lenses and burying my face (literally) inside the drawer to the sexually illiterate Gargi who makes the most amusing faces on my enlightening lecture to Niki, who looks at her blank laptop screen and says ‘look at her guts! This girl is trying to copy me”. I never knew life could be so hilarious until I had stepped into this room. Like Niki, says, in the fear of losing our mother planet, there are three worlds existing simulataneously in this room!

Thankfully, even Shilpi, Mahi and Swati stay here. They are the few successful relationships that I carry from my previous hostel. And it feels good to have them here. You guys know me – I call a spade a spade and I am pathetic at sugar coating facts. Be it between the long night chats, group discussions, group dinners, crazy songs, swinging on the terrace, watching soppy romantic flicks and heart to heart talks, I have come to adore you in my own strange way. You make me look forward to the future. You flipped my life 180 in a matter of days……….. I just cannot thank you enough!!!


And, since it is me, Nikita typing this out for you, well, welcome…HAHA <3

And the Geeks shall inherit the Earth!!

Yesterday, I bought what I thought was a pretty terrific notebook… it had a geeky cover, consisting of binary speaking cartoons with Ctrl, Alt, Del in his brain, Facebook, Star Wars and other computer crazy things that impresses a select few. When I proudly exhibited it to my friend, she said “Nice!” whereas every feature on her face said otherwise. “What?” I asked, “Isn’t it cool?” “Not really” she confessed… “It’s so geek!!” I stared at her with a confused ‘so what?’ expression. She explained exasperated, “If you carry that around, everyone’s gonna think you’re this weird nerd!!”
I quickly connected the net for some Wiki-wisdom. No matter how much people slam Wikipedia for its lack of authenticity, I find it a really reliable site for quick clarifications. The most acceptable definition said:-
A person with a devotion to something in a way that places him or her outside the mainstream. This could be due to the intensity, depth, or subject of their interest. This definition is very broad but because many of these interests have mainstream endorsement and acceptance, the inclusion of some genres as "geeky" is heavily debated. Persons have been labeled as or chosen to identify as physics geeks, mathematics geeks, engineering geeks, sci-fi geeks, computer geeks, various science geeks, movie and film geeks (cinephile), comic book geeks, theater geeks, history geeks, music geeks, art geeks, philosophy geeks, literature geeks, historical reenactment geeks, 2012 geeks, video game geeks, and roleplay geeks. It didn’t sound so despicable that people should shy away from being called one. In fact, geeks sounded like eccentric, erratic people with an obsession that makes them outstanding in their field. To tell you the truth, it sounded like something of a prelude to a genius. But while genius is a much desired tag, geek stands as a derogatory one. It’s like appreciating the butterfly but calling the caterpillar disgusting. But if there were no caterpillars, where would the beautiful butterflies come from?
It is frustrating when your elders slam you as immature. But at times, I tend to agree with my Dad on this issue. We teenagers, with a not-fully-developed frontal cortex, do tend to exhibit truly amusing behavioral patterns. And what would top the list is our definition of cool. Going to insane reality shows is cool. Fooling around with five girlfriends is cool. Smoking cigarettes and taking drugs is cool. Wasting millions on high profile parties is cool. Attending IPL parties is cool. Buying branded, pricey clothes right out of fashion mags is cool. Going around in swanky cars is cool. But studying? It’s oh-so-uncool! Sitting in the library? Staying up late night to research something you find fascinating? Missing movies in pursuit of creativity? Disregarding parties to make projects for the fun of it? If you have dared to do any of these in front of your college friends, you are instantly labeled the class nerd… the dweeb who’ll never get a girl and whom the guys will never invite for the late night beer parties.
In spite of this, the geeks battle on. To do what they love. It takes real courage to disregard peer pressure and pursue your interest. All you ‘cool’ people out there, next time you slam a geek, I hope you realize he is a guy who is a deviant; who, unlike you, has refused to be run-of-the-mill. Just because he is quiet doesn’t mean he is a loser. He has got ten times the courage and guts as compared to you. And all you geeks, be proud. Put on those techno geek wallpapers and join those Art geeks clubs with zero hesitation… because, when night will fall on these teenage days, you will emerge as the brightest star!
Hold that thought!!

Defining YOUTH in my words...

“As we all know, college is not just about books and studies,” read the opening lines of an article in a major newspaper. “What one wears is important too.” Really? And then the article went on and on about how to layer your dresses, wear ganjis this season, printed leggings, colorful flip flops and a whole arena of clothing articles that I cant make heads or tails of. Nothing offensive. What you don’t know cant hurt you, right? But what made me want to claw my face off were the pictures accompanying the article. Girls wearing yellow skirts that have the word ‘Yellow’ printed over it, bags that I would have felt embarrassed to carry even in my kindergarten years, pink shoes that look like cheap plastic, three-inches gladiator sandals that would make any kind of movement a potential hazard. But hey, according to designers, this is what students are supposed to wear to college this season. This is fashion. This is youth!!
The cynical me finds it irritating. The not-so-critical me finds it fascinating. TV channels and designers and a similar army of people have decided what the ‘youth’ is. They are a bunch of airheads who eat pricey pizzas, down it with a bottle of Carlsberg, throw around their money at CCDs, buy useless CDs of English songs without understanding a word, watches Roadies, Splitsvilla, finds love on shows like ‘Dare to Date’ and then spy on them through shows like’ Emotional Atyachar’!!! Brilliant! It is amusing to see the generation that will grow up to define the future of India is defined with such shallow parameters. Youth special shows mean blonde babes singing mindless songs in skimpy clothes. Shows like Roadies think the youth is about doing a few tasks and playing lots of tedious politics; and of course pepper it with occasional outbursts and the catfights make the icing on the cake. Splitsvilla thinks it can script love between a couple of teens and twenty somethings roaming around in scanty clothes and plotting petty plans. And why not? The people who win these shows are overnight sensations… and worse, youth icons!!
What amaze me are people who cannot tell the name of the guy who suggested the theory of evolution or the not-so-beautiful chicks who don’t even know what the Booker prize is associated with can shamelessly claim themselves to be youth icons. Or this crazy female who’s 21 years old goes and sits in a village in her designer clothes claiming to be ‘Desi Girl’ thinks she is the face of the new India. Truthfully, if they are the people who will define what the Indian youth is, I would rather be 50 years old right away. Youth is not about what MTV or Channel V tells us. Youth is not about Youngistan or any such funky name like that. Youth is about normal kids like us. People who sit in canteens and debate whether communism should continue its hold over Bengal and Kerala or should people rebel against it? People who take up ‘Rights of Third Gender’ diploma courses, not about people who say a kind word or two about them just to see their names in print. People who decide to be politicians, to cleanse up the political machinery of the country. People who intern in NGOs not because it will look good on their CV but because they really think that they can make a difference. People who miss their lunch to watch documentaries about how the Bhopal Gas Tragedy affected millions in the county, even before the blame games and mud slinging starts. People who blog, write columns or letters to editors on current issues affecting the world in their bid to bring in a change. People who would rather watch a thought provoking movie than a slapstick humorous one. People like you and me. We represent the youth.
Don’t get me wrong. I never said I don’t go to Pizza Hut or never spent money on CCD. What I mean is, I refuse these things to be the only part of my personality. I refuse to have my contemporaries get judged in the name of crazy designers or hip coffee houses. There is more to us. A lot more. Most importantly, our ‘youth icons’ may not have a brain. But we do. And we also know how to use one. I am the youth. And I don’t think anyone can do justice to who I am and what I think. I dare to take a stand for what I think is right. And I stand up today to represent myself. Youth is, after all, just a moment, but it the moment, the spark, that you will always carry in your heart!!
Hold that thought!